It was Sunday, October 31st, 2010 and I was on the way back from an early morning boot camp class in Prospect Park. With a sneaky suspicion, I stopped by the corner drug store to buy a pregnancy test. Boot camp by definition was a pretty tough workout, but this morning I had been on the verge of losing my breakfast the entire time, which wasn’t normal.
Being an athlete, I was tuned in to my body. I had gone for a recovery run that Saturday, after completing the Twin Cities Marathon two weeks prior. I felt noticeably breathless while making conversation with my running buddies, who were gearing up for the New York City Marathon the following weekend. Surely, I hadn’t fallen out of shape that quickly.
The night before, our dear friend, Hadley, had thrown the most adorable Alice in Wonderland-themed Halloween party. I had uncharacteristically fallen asleep on her couch early in the evening and then decided to go back to our apartment, just a few blocks away. I had taken our only key. Later, Matthew stood outside on the stoop, buzzing our apartment for nearly fifteen minutes before I woke up and let him in. Something seemed to be up.
And so perhaps I wasn’t too surprised when I ceremoniously peed on the stick and saw the indicator turn positive. Still, my instinctive reaction was a panicked one-word expletive, “$#!+.” I have always been a planner, but this was unplanned.
My brain raced to how I was going to juggle a pregnancy and maternity leave, having recently started a new stretch role in my company. Looking back on it, I don’t think there is ever a convenient time to have a baby, especially for the mother, but in that moment this timing felt inopportune.
My husband’s reaction was much more rational. While I found the whole thing shocking, he pointed out that we had been married almost five years, we both knew we wanted kids, and to just about anyone who knew us, it was not that shocking at all. Matt hugged me in our tiny Brooklyn apartment bathroom, told me that we’d figure this out, and reassured me that everything was going to be okay. Still processing the emotions of all of it, I knew he was right.
Being it was a Sunday, I quickly cleaned up, threw on a dress, and we headed out to Mass at the Catholic church around the corner. I had a hard time focusing, my mind still racing. My husband couldn’t stop smiling, as he put his hand on top of mine. Our dear friends sat in the pew behind us, juggling their adorable five-month-old baby girl. So I guess this is how it goes, I thought. Given it was Halloween, Matt and I dubbed the little nugget, “Pumpkin.”
In the days, weeks, and months that followed, our life dramatically shifted to accommodate the new arrival. Looking back on that time, it was a very special moment in our marriage, where my husband led the way with a calming presence, navigating finding a larger apartment, holding my hair back as I battled almost non-stop morning sickness, and putting up with my spur-of-the-moment escapades to track down bubble tea or “crunchy tacos” around Park Slope as pregnancy cravings called. He really was a saint.
On the work front, everything worked out fine. I waited as long as possible to share the news. I wanted to put my best work forward consistently as long as I could, without the knowledge of my pregnancy factoring into the assessment of the job I was doing.
I developed one of my direct reports to take the reins during my leave and I consistently and frequently reiterated my plan to return to my role. For those who do plan to return after a leave, I believe this is important and reassuring to your boss and team, who are planning coverage.
Since that time I’ve been on the other side of desk, having employees come forward to share their news. No matter what the impact of having an employee out for an extended leave might have on the work or the department, I always try to respond with pure joy and full support. I do my best to reign in my celebratory squeals and clapping just a little, as I am often one of the first to know and do not want to inadvertently spill the beans to the whole department, allowing the employee to share the news on his or her own time frame.
Without fail, it has always worked out regarding coverage of the work, and employees have been incredibly grateful for the support. Women just do have babies. It’s a part of life. I believe that as a boss and a leader, supporting parents during this incredible chapter of change and growth is the least I can do and makes for a healthy, and often loyal, long-term relationship with the employee.
My husband, Matthew, holding Natalie on the day she was born. We were so young!
Miss Natalie always loves a party. After discovering we were expecting her on Halloween, she was born smack on her due date that Fourth of July at NYU Langone Health. She’s lit up our lives with fireworks and enthusiasm ever since.
Speaking of which, now almost nine years old, the little miss just walked down the stairs and exclaimed “Happy Mother’s Day” with a big hug. Always the boss, she needs me to come help her make bacon and pancakes to celebrate the holiday in true stay-at-home style.
Happy Mother’s Day to you all! For new and expectant mothers, you can do this!
With love and support,
Mary
