Day 3: Portomarin to Palas de Rei

As I embarked on the third day of my Camino journey, walking from Portomarin to Palas de Rei (15 miles), my reflections for the day centered on the chapters of moving to New York City after graduation, attending graduate school at Columbia University, and marrying my husband Matt. We built our first home together in the neighborhood of Park Slope in Brooklyn, NY. A few years later, I became a mother. My shirt for today’s Camino reads “Wife, Mom, Boss” in no particular order as they are scattered across the front. Each is an incredibly important role in my life that I want to do my best at; and, boy is it hard sometimes to juggle the priorities of each.

Grad School, Marriage, and Young Professional Life as a Working Mom in NYC

Matt and I lived on Union Street only a half mile from Prospect Park, which is Brooklyn’s equivalent to Central Park. There was an incredible farmers market every Saturday at Grand Army Plaza. We commuted into Manhattan five days a week working long hours with no flexibility to work from home. Weekends we generally stayed in the borough of Brooklyn spending time with friends, enjoying the food scene, and roaming around the park and NY Botanic Gardens. My dear friend, Gina, got me back into running after grad school and I training with trepidation for my first half-marathon. As she predicted, I got the running bug eventually doing four full marathons as a charity running through Team in Training for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society. Gina and I later became mothers together, each having our first daughter born on the Fourth of July!

One of the theme songs of my life during these years was “Thy Will be Done” by Tasha Layton (lyrics and link below). I distinctly remember the first time it came on the radio as I was a young working mom who was just holding on. I found so much peace in turning over my best efforts to God, no matter how inadequate they (and I) felt each day as I was figuring it all out.

“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.”

The quote above by Sorin Kierkegaard is spot on in my own experience of understanding my life’s trajectory and purpose. In accounts of people who have had near-death experiences, it is very common for people to describe having “their life flash before their eyes,” reliving the highlights and seeing with renewed clarity what was important to them. I suppose my reflections on the Camino have been a very slow and deliberate version of this. As I introduced in my last post, the framework I have been using for reflection is to consider for each chapter: 1) my accomplishments, 2) the people who touched my life, 3) what I learned, and 4) what I stood for.

During the first part of my walk, memories of my grad school days at Columbia University and early professional life in NYC flooded my mind. I remembered the sense of accomplishment I felt when I finished grad school, graduating first in my class and serving as the President of the ACHE student chapter. These achievements were not just academic at the time, but also small personal victories that taught me the power of playing to my strengths and the importance of collaboration and partnership.

What was particularly striking to me was how much easier healthcare came as a subject to me than music school. I think some of that is the culture around the arts vs. the sciences, but it was clear to me that if I gave 110% in healthcare, approaching my studies with rigor and preparation, as I always had in music my efforts were taking me farther than the equivalent effort ever had before. On the personal front, I got married and added to beautiful children to our family. We bought our first house in Westchester, NY. I started my career at NYU Langone and grew through the ranks working on several important bodies of work including three mergers & integrations.

Cherishing the people I walked (or ran) with, the lessons I learned, and what I stood for

Another salient insight was how lucky I am to still have so many of the people who were anchors in my life during this period to still be very present in my life today. I was reminded of the support systems that helped me navigate through those formative years and how partnership built trust and propelled us each forward together. I prayed for a number of individuals that were absolutely critical to my success and enjoyment of these chapters, including but not limited to: my grad school friends, my best friend Allison and her sister, Rebecca, my team and colleagues at NYU Langone, my running buddies and the Higher Ambition Leadership Institute (HALI) community.

Regarding lessons learned, the endurance I built during marathon training and the clinics focused on nutrition, gear, clothing, and shoes have proved invaluable on the Camino. Both physically and mentally, I learned my own strength. For the first time in my life and career, working harder and longer wasn’t always available to me as I became a mom and learned to juggle my commitments across both professional and personal fronts. I also learned how to protect, raise, and eventually teach tiny humans that were entrusted to my care. I was exposed to best-practice leadership that reminded me that puts the people you are privileged to lead at the center, all of which crossed over into every realm of your life and how you choose to show up.

When I think about what I stood for and fought to defend during that time, the first thought that comes to my mind is speaking truth to power. It was a critical period in my professional life where I was able to gain insights into the value of the leader being the difference between the culture you experience and the culture you create for your team. Crediting Doug Conant and Mette Norgaard for that message which was drilled into us with 360 feedback data, reflection, and coaching on how we could each “do better.” I learned how to speak up for people who deserved recognition and/or did not deserve the way they were being treated. Momma bear came out not only for Natalie and Zachary, but for my team at work. Being the best mom I could be was the highest priority on my list and I quickly learned that being an advocate for my kids came with the territory.

Finding My Way

Of all the changes that occurred in my life during this decade, becoming a mom was by far the most profound. The fact that the first four hours of today’s hike was entirely uphill felt quite fitting. As I turned my focus to prayer, I couldn’t help but reflect on and feel deep gratitude for those incredible women who have supported me with motherly love throughout my life, namely my mom, my Aunt Joyce, Maria (my voice teacher), Anne (my mother-in-love), and Mette (my leadership mentor and inspiration to do the Camino).

As I thought about the role models I had for what it meant to be a mother, my mind quickly went to a few of my first cousins, Leah, Melinda, and Joanna, as well as my Aunt Sue. I had the distinct privilege of watching each of them raise their young families up close and with much patience and grace. During my college years, Colleen Ryan and Karen Schneider Kirner, whose beautiful children I babysat for continued that education and inspiration. Today, I spent time praying for each member of the Kingsbury family tree starting with my grandparents, Harley, Tutti, and Grannie Annie, and continuing through the youngest members of our family that are kiddos of my first cousins once removed. I literally had to Google that to ensure I had the phrasing right as in the Kingsbury family we are all “cousins.”

The Joyful Mysteries

In the afternoon, I turned to the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary, which I admit I hadn’t prayed since becoming a mom. Using this website, I reminded myself of this ancient form of meditation that has meant so much to my mother, her mother, and Maria. The First Joyful Mystery of the Annunciation celebrates Mary’s consent that Thy Will be Done. As I worked my way through to the end of the rosary prayer, I found myself chuckling a little at the precocious boy that Jesus must have been. How many times have I thought 1) I love my kids, 2) These qualities will serve them very well as adults, and 3) Boy, are they hard to raise right now. When Jesus was twelve years old (a year younger than Natalie), he breaks off from Mary and Joseph without telling them where He’s gone and they cannot find him for three days! I’d be freaking out. Mary exclaims, “Son, Why have you done this to us?!?” expressing the anxiety and grief that young Jesus has caused them. I smile to think about how I would have reacted if my child had said something like, “Why did you search for Me? Did you not know that I must be … [about My Father’s business]?”

I know the Rosary might not be for everyone. It certainly hasn’t been my primary form of mediation in most chapters of life. Have you found a spiritual practice or meditation that allows you to reflect during difficult times? If so, how have they helped you and how might you create more time for these practices in your life? Are there any symbols or rituals hold special meaning for you in your journey?

The Symbolism of the Delphinium

The Delphinium flower was the symbol of my journey today. It symbolizes big-heartedness and grace that mothers need to have in spades to get through each day. Planting Delphiniums along the Camino path near a farm with a stone wall and around the Little Free Library in our yard in NY was a way of carrying these values forward.

As I reflect on my journey, both on the Camino and through these chapters of my life, I am filled with gratitude for the experiences, the people, and the lessons that have shaped me. From the bustling streets of New York City to the serene path of the Camino, each step has been a testament to resilience, faith, and the unwavering support of those around me. The symbolism of the Delphinium flower, representing big-heartedness and grace, serves as a reminder of the values that have guided me through the highs and lows. As I continue to navigate the complexities of life, I am reminded that it is not about the destination, but the journey and the growth that comes with it. May we all find strength in our struggles, joy in our triumphs, and inspiration in the stories we share. Thy will be done.

Thy Will – Song by Hillary Scott & The Scott Family 2016

I’m so confused
I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here
I don’t wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you’re good
But this don’t feel good right now
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about
It’s hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you’re God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Bernie Herms / Hillary Scott / Emily Lynn Weisband

Thy Will lyrics © Wb Music Corp., W.b.m. Music Corp., G650 Music, Sony/atv Cross Keys Publishing, Hillary Dawn Songs, Thankful For This Music, Pure Note Music, Ekt Publishing, Songs Of Universal Inc.