Photo credit: Christine Miller; www.alittleperspective.com

Five Days till Sarria

It’s five days until I hop on a plane and make my way to the foothills of the Cantabrian mountains to join the Camino. I have about 55 miles left to cover stateside this week before I go. This weekend was full of wonderful family time doing long hikes with our pups, sitting with my husband on the sidelines of our son’s soccer games, spending time doing homework and crafts with my daughter, and staying overnight with one of my best friends on the planet after watching her and her daughter star in a local musical.

Naturally, conversations have begun to focus a bit on what I hope to get out of the pilgrimage, how I’m planning to approach it, and if there is anything I’m afraid of. Tackling those questions in reverse order – it’s the first time I’ll be flying internationally alone since I studied abroad in London as a junior in college, so there is a bit of anxiety there. I don’t speak the language well, so there is that too. Four years of high school Spanish 20 years ago and modern translational technology will have to suffice. I’ve also never done anything like this before. Yes, I’m scared…and it’s a good kind of scared that will push me outside my comfort zone. Wish me luck!

Regarding what I’m hoping to get out of the pilgrimage, I’m primarily seeking wisdom, healing and an increased capacity for joy. Reading about other people’s experiences of the Camino, I think you don’t really know what you’ll get out of it until you do it. I am trusting the process and look forward to the insights and blessings that I encounter along the way. Taking that much time out for prayer and quietness with God and in nature, I can only imagine that it will be a powerful experience. I took a look at my 2025 Vision Board this morning and quotes about joy and wisdom abound. One quote in particular stands out as a mantra heading into the unknown of what this pilgrimage will hold.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”

― Steve Maraboli

In terms of how to approach it, it’s been helpful to talk that through with a number of friends. Each gives me new ideas, gets excited with me, and inspires me to really let go and take in whatever God has in store for me on the journey. I have many people who will be “walking with me” in spirit, which I so appreciate.

Preparing My Heart

Planner that I am, I have had fun brainstorming some tangible ideas that will bring meaning and structure to the week. I’m breaking the six days of walking into a half-dozen chapters of my life, complete with shirts for each day, an Apple Music soundtrack from that period, and I’ll be bringing along some pictures from that chapter that I leave behind at the end of each day’s walk.

Borrowing a structure a mentor of mine, Mette Norgaard, introduced me to, I’ll have some loose framing thinking across the following four domains, which correlate to the four primary drives of our human nature:

• What did I accomplish during this time? (Drive to achieve)
• Who walked with me? (Drive to bond)
• What did I learn? (Drive to learn)
• What did I stand for? (Drive to defend)

Mapping Out the Journey

Day 1 – Walking through the hills of Galicia to Portomarin (14.3miles; 6 hrs)

As I think about what I’m looking to get out of Day One, it will be setting the stage for the remainder of the journey. This day will be about looking back on my childhood, particularly my high school years, and examining some of the maladaptive learned behaviors that I’ve unintentionally carried with me into adulthood. While these coping behaviors may have served to keep me safe as a 14-year-old girl, as a 40-something-year-old woman, I want to set them down once and for all. Don’t get me wrong, I had a wonderful childhood, surrounded by a loving family. And still, I’m not sure any of us navigate these years completely unscathed as we form our understanding of ourselves and how we relate to the world.

The tee-shirt for the day will be a shirt I bought last year when we brought my daughter and a few of her friends to “The Wiz” on Broadway. The line “Ease on Down the Road” feels fitting as I head out on the Camino for the first day. This also was the musical I participated in the summer between my junior and senior year of high school through the Summer Performing Arts (SPA) program. The soundtrack of the day will feature hits from the 1990s and early 2000s. If it were an episode of “Friends,” I’d dub this one “The One Where Mary Finds Her Voice.”

Day 2 – To Palas de Rei (15.6 miles; 6-7 hrs)

Day Two will fast forward to my years as a young professional finding her way in New York City. Jumping into the adventure of marriage, making our first home in Brooklyn, running four marathons with Team in Training, becoming a mother, attending a formative accelerated leadership program, and climbing in my career, 2009-2019 was a dynamic decade. The shirt for the day states “It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint,” which is the title of the Leadership Model I developed at the Higher Ambition Leadership Institute (HALI). The soundtrack features a mix of Notre Dame Folk Choir hits, Hillary Scott, Tauren Wells, and Micah Tyler. This decade is “The One Where Mary Comes into Her Own as a Young Leader.”

Day 3 – Leave Lugo to enter La Coruña and on to Melide (9.3 miles; 4-5 hrs)

Day Three will go deep into the COVID pandemic (2020-2021) and the role I found myself in on the frontlines as a leader of a NYC-based health system at the epicenter of the response, and suddenly also a teacher homeschooling my elementary-school-aged children in the wee hours of the morning when NYC public schools closed indefinitely. This was the chapter of life where I met my match and realized that “just working harder” wasn’t going to allow me to push through it and end up on top. Hitting rock bottom and battling back from PTSD weren’t my finest moments, and I developed unbelievable strength and resilience out of necessity. My shirt states in large font, “I’m Fine.” As you look at the smaller words that make up the bold lettering, you see the underlying components that suggest quite the opposite. Songs from this period center on enduring the storm and holding on. A fitting title for this chapter is “The One Where Mary Goes to War.”

Day 4 – To Arzúa (9.4 miles; 4-5 hrs)

Day Four will celebrate progress over perfection (2021-2022), reclaiming my health, rebuilding my team at work, getting my neurodiverse kiddos the interventions they need, and discerning what my family and I need to keep a semblance of balance between work and life. This is the chapter I joined the “Kids with Parents in Heaven” club. Losing my father and my Godfather within the span of four months, I really grappled with the realities of living so far away from family. The shirt of the day reads “Tough as a Mother” and the theme song for the day will be “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns. This is a chapter of healing, discerning what really matters in life, and seeking renewal – “The One Where Mary Realizes Her Own Strength.”

Day 5 To Rúa (12.5 miles; 5-6 hrs)

Day Five is the “One Where Mary Seeks a New Haven” (2022-2024). Pun intended in the name. Saying goodbye to her professional home of 15 years at NYU Langone, this chapter took me up the Merrit Parkway across half of CT each day. Processing cumulative grief, starting a new career at Yale, and being diagnosed with Melanoma are a few notable features. The Hamilton soundtrack frequently accompanied me on my commute as I sought to “Not Throw Away My Shot” in my new role. My Broadway shirt featuring the three Schuyler Sisters with their fists triumphantly in the air is a fitting pairing. The reality I faced in this chapter was pretty different than what I was seeking, and still it provided some hard-earned lessons that I value and carry with me.

Day 6 – Arrive in Santiago (12.5 miles; 6hrs)

Day Six is my last day of walking. I will arrive in Santiago on Palm Sunday and attend the Pilgrim’s Mass at the Cathedral. Reflections of the day will focus on the discernment and life changes my husband and I have put in place to enable a life for our family in the Midwest and how we will stay connected to important work and personal contacts on the East coast.

As the tee of the day states, “Minnesota is calling and I must go!” A week later on Easter Sunday, we’ll be hosting our family in our home in Saint Paul. This chapter that began about a year ago has been marked by trust in God and not fully knowing how (or when) things will play out. This past year of splitting our time between NY (2/3rds) and MN (1/3rd) has been such a blessing and brought much healing for all of us. I imagine this next year will be a little bit like last year in us splitting our time, but the inverse. It has also been a very helpful slow transition as we begin this next exciting chapter, “The One Where Mary & Her Family Come Home.”

Beauty in our Brokenness

As I look back over the last twenty years of adulthood, it has been harder than I could have ever imagined, and I have the thick skin, scars, and bruises to show it. It has also been full of more adventure, blessing, and grace that I never thought possible. I recently learned about the Japanese art of Kintsugi where broken pottery is joined back together with gold. The new work of art embodies the concept that our flaws and imperfections can be transformed into beautiful, unique features that are even more interesting and rich than the original creation.

As we each begin these final few weeks of preparation before Easter, I invite you to join me in accepting your own brokenness and recognizing the inherent joy and strength that has accompanied it. Even with our imperfections, wounds, and hardships, there is authentic beauty, resilience, and potential for growth and transformation inside each of us. Psalm 61:2 states, “From the end of the earth I will cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” This verse asks for God’s guidance and protection when feeling overwhelmed, seeking a safe and secure refuge in trouble. As we walk through the hills and valleys of life, I pray that we each find the higher ground present in the love and promises of God.