I hope you are taking some time off in between roles…

I was advised by several people I love and respect to take two weeks off between jobs to “rest.” Rest isn’t something that comes naturally to me, but I agreed. After fifteen years at my former company going non-stop and having added two kids in that timeframe, taking an intentional pause to rest and reflect sounded amazing! The Olympics were also perfectly timed with the break. It would fly by!

Rest. What does it mean to rest? A quick Google search pulled up the definition of the word. Clearly if I need to Google what it means to rest, I’m comically out of practice. To be fair, I don’t think I’m the only one…my lovely reader included. Add being a mom to the mix, rest is a luxury most of us feel we cannot take.

Rest, Reflect, Repeat

About six years ago, I had the incredible opportunity to work with Doug Conant and Mette Norgaard on crafting my leadership model. If you are scratching your head asking, what is a leadership model? You are not alone. I didn’t know what a leadership model was at the time either, nor how it could be useful. It was also incredibly nerve-wracking to think about putting into words how I thought about leadership to then share it with my team.

I have revisited the work many times since my first iteration to get to greater clarity and incorporate my own growth in leadership thinking since I drafted it. I do find it helpful to synthesize how one thinks about leadership and what their expectations are. Being a four-time marathoner, I dubbed mine, “It’s a marathon, not a sprint” and it takes the form of a journey model.

In the time off, I was lucky enough to connect with several key mentors of mine to discuss the new role, reflect on how it was different than my previous role, and recommit to a “listening first” mindset. I began rereading the book, “The First 90 Days” by Michael Watkins which was a gift from my new boss.

As I began the reflection work I had set out to do during the break, a long-standing mentor of mine called the last box of my leadership model into question. I proudly told her “I’m in the ‘Rest, Reflect, Repeat’ portion of my leadership model” loving the alliteration. She bluntly challenged me, “But shouldn’t there be an element of assessment? Why would you repeat something, if in fact you could ‘do better.'” I love this individual for exactly that spirit, reminding me we can always do better.

I took the advice to heart as I thought about how to spend the time, and also how to reflect this moment of the journey in my leadership model, rewording it as “Reflect to Elevate Performance.”

Who did I need to thank?

A wise friend of mine encouraged me to pre-write thank you notes to those individuals who had touched my life and career in positive ways during my prior experience. She told me to do this work before I resigned, so that the feelings are pure and the messages not tainted by whatever happens next. It was good advice. The transition truly went as positively as I could have imagined, but I was glad I had done this step ahead of the wave of emotions I needed to ride as I resigned and began saying goodbye to my team, colleagues, and a company that had taught me just about everything I know.

What was I validly “not grateful for” that I wanted to be different this time around?

Gratitude is a core value for me. It is also one I have learned I have to be careful with, counter-balancing it with knowing my own worth. In an impromptu cathartic exercise, I grabbed one of my daughter’s blank canvases from her art stash and using pretty metallic pens, started to jot down memories and experiences from the past 15 years that I was “not grateful for” across dimensions of my life. These trials and scars had made me the person I am today. The intent was not to wish them away, but to fully own them. It actually was incredible to see all I had overcome. It reminded me that I was strong, resilient, and resourceful. I’d be ok, no matter what this next chapter brought with it.

After letting this canvas be prominently on display in our dining room for about a week, my husband and I reminiscing and adding to it – I asked my daughter to join me in splatter painting it to transform all those less than wonderful experiences into something beautiful. Natalie is one of the most creative people I’ve ever met. She took the canvas outside, along with my hairdryer, and created an incredible Ombre effect with my favorite colors: teal, blue, gold, and white with a bit of purple (Natalie’s favorite).

Moving from a “To do” list to a “What I accomplished list”

I love that looking through from the back-side of the canvas, you can still see the “scars” I carry that have formed me into the leader, boss, woman, wife, and mom I am today. The front reinvented and beautiful, provided the perfect canvas to take stock of all that I had accomplished during my transition. To borrow a concept I heard today from my new (rockstar female!) CEO, Marna Borgstrom, who is retiring next month, I had managed to transition “with no drama.” Marna shared with me about her inspiration had been the former CEO of Xerox, Anne Mulcahy. I had done this work slowly over the course of about six months in waiting to resign from my former company until the leader I’d groomed to succeed me had and returned from maternity leave, gotten her sea legs again (as a working mother of two young children), and I’d grown the bench of the leadership team she’d be working with. It made the top of my list of accomplishments.

After my second major goal/accomplishment of leaving my former company gracefully, doing all I could to ensure their continued success, the rest was a jumbled list ranging from using the time to apply, tour, and interview for a potential Middle School for my daughter to ensuring our plumbing was working and that a flat tire was repaired. On the work front, it spanned from setting my successor and team up for success to relationship building with my new team. Going to the gym and attending daily Mass helped anchor the day and provide structure. Knowing it would be off to the races as soon as I started, I tried to slow down, think, and take care of anything I could move off my list in advance.

I completed the first week feeling absolutely exhausted. I had accomplished a lot, largely non-fulfilling but important tasks, including bolstering our family’s immunity to Omicron. I knew I needed to reflect in a more meaningful way the second week.

The Drama of a Pause

Returning to the definitions of what it means to rest, as a musician we are taught that a grand pause, dictated short-handed as railroad tracks with two slanting parallel lines // or dictated more formally as above with a fermata (bird’s eye), has the potential to be one of the most intense moments of drama in a piece. What could I learn from this time? Starting a week earlier than planning crossed my mind multiple times a day each day. I forced myself to sit on my hands.

Why do I choose to lead?

I began to engage in some of the work I had intended to do. This simple, yet provocative question led me to revisited my purpose statement. If you’d like to engage in such an exercise, I strongly recommend Doug Conant’s latest book, The Blue Print or even better, make a small investment in your own leadership potential and sign up for his Bootcamp.

My refreshed purpose statement:

TO GROW HIGH-PERFORMING PEOPLE, TEAMS, AND HEALTHCARE SYSTEMS

THAT DELIVER REMARKABLE RESULTS AND UNLEASH HUMAN POTENTIAL 

BY CARING DEEPLY, INVESTING GENEROUSLY, AND LEADING COURAGEOUSLY. 

I also used the time to refine my leadership model:

It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint

Model for Driving Strategic Change in an Enduring Way

Using the wonderfully touching Thank You notes I’d received from members of my team, and a video tribute of patched together words from former employees, I harvested the insights their feedback provided on what about our relationship had made a meaningful impact. I used Post-it notes to jot down insights and formed clusters as similar themes emerged. What had they learned from me? How had I influenced their professional careers and/or lives for the better. The words that came up most frequently inspired the closing clause of my purpose statement:

At it’s core, leadership is also about “being good.” Brooks describes this as Adam 2 – the eulogy virtues. Words like grace and the ability to lead under pressure came up in multiple people’s comments. I interpreted this as the ability to remain cool, calm, collected when the stakes are high. Many employees commented that I had seen something in them even before they saw it in themselves. That my believing in them and being there for them was what was most impactful and gave them courage and confidence. They appreciated my modeling confident humility. People commented on my ability to flex to new information, adapt to different styles, and remain nimble, while providing a steady foundation of strength to the team. While in some ways this work feels theoretical, it drove clarity as I prepared for this next chapter. Far from perfect, I recommit to living up to these virtues everyday.

Some Friendships are Timeless & Remind Us Who We Really Are

As I rounded out my second week, to be honest, I was a bit bored – but in a good way. My best friend, Allison, and I got together for her 11-year cancerversary. My rest took the form of time with a cherished friend. We hiked, laughed our tails off, and resorted to watching Olympic curling at the hotel room with limited cable offerings.

This same friend moved heaven and earth to line up childcare for her three children to be there two and a half weeks prior at my send-off dinner for NYU Langone. She’s the kind of friend who you text asking, “If I can hire a pianist to play at Rossini’s in Manhattan next Wednesday, any interest in joining me to sing a duet from “Wicked?”

Dan The Man (the NYC Pianist I found for my send-off event) did not disappoint. Not only did Allison and I sing “For Good” from Wicked as a heart-felt tribute, she rallied the group for me to do an encore from “Thoroughly Modern Millie” ahead of the dessert course. We booked hotel rooms in Manhattan across from the venue for the night. The next morning we had breakfast at a charming French Bistro off Bryan Park. We shared our hopes for the year ahead. It’s been a rough couple years for all of us as we’ve battled this storm of COVID-19 and all the flux going on in our world. I truly think the best is yet to come. Now, I’m super bored and want to roll up my sleeves and begin making a meaningful contribution at Yale New Haven Health!

“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better, but because I knew you….I have been changed for good!”

– Glinda, “Wicked”

For Good

“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return

Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true,
But I know I’m who I am today because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit, as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But, because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime
So let me say before we part, so much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine by being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a skybird
In a distant wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness
For the things I’ve done you blame me for
But then, I guess we know there’s blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit (like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes a sun (by a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder (like a seed dropped by a bird)
Halfway through the wood (in the wood)
Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?
I do believe I have been changed for the better

And because I knew you
Because I knew you
Because I knew you
I have been changed
For good”

• Steven Schwartz