“Leadership is sacred ground. There is nothing more important than how you deal with the people with whom you live and work.”
– Doug Conant
Internationally renowned business leader, New York Times bestselling author, keynote speaker, and social media influencer with over 40 years of leadership experience at world-class global companies…and a dear friend and mentor
About a week ago, I had the opportunity to spend some time with two employees outside office hours. Of course, we abided by State and company COVID-19 guidelines and were as safe as possible. And still, it was truly special and something that has been far too infrequent in 2020 for obvious reasons.
I was absolutely gobsmacked when one of them offered up one of the biggest compliments I’ve ever received as a boss. With tears starting to pool in her eyes, she told me that working for our company, our team, and me as her boss was “hands down the best part of 2020.”
Still processing, I was again humbled when the other employee jumped in and agreed wholeheartedly. She furthered that she had found strength, motivation, and purpose in the work we were doing together. She felt it helped her be a better person, mom, wife, etc. outside of work.
We continued to talk about the power of healthy and positive work relationships, and how this space isn’t talked about enough. Too often the focus of corporate boss-employee and teammate relationships is the impact of destructive and unhealthy interactions, which we all agreed was too frequently the case in our society.
In the weeks since, not a day has gone by that I’ve not found myself wondering about this with curiosity. It has stoked my fire to “be and do better” to try live up to the feedback. For me, it underscores the profound role and responsibility we each have as leaders of people and teams to serve, to motivate, to challenge, to support, to thank/recognize(!), and to grow those we are entrusted to lead.
Carving out time for reflection on leadership, even (especially) when you and your team doesn’t have the time…
This year I’ve had countless days when I’ve felt like I was teetering on the verge of failure, wishing I could carry my collective load better, with less anxiety. Working in healthcare on the “virtual frontlines of COVID” in a 10+month-long, 7-day-a-week response has been overwhelming to say the least. I am so far from the perfect person or boss.
Still in my total imperfection, I have somehow been able to have an impact to inspire and motivate others, together with our larger team and health system. The purpose of this piece is to share a few practices that you might try with your team as we all navigate these choppy waters during a global pandemic and economic uncertainty. Feel free to borrow what might work for you, and of course, ignore anything that doesn’t feel right for your culture and team.
How to safely host an “Offsite”?
Earlier that day and after about a month of preparation, the two employees and I had facilitated our 3rd Annual Leadership Team “Offsite” – this year held in cyberspace via Zoom. We utilized breakout rooms for small groups, partner work, and incorporated a few “walk & talks” where employees would call each other on their cell phone and get out and move as they discussed a focused prompt.
The purpose of the day was to take time to reflect, reconnect, and iterate on how our team could better support, facilitate, and catalyze the change necessary for our company to meet and exceed our goals in 2021 and beyond.
As pre-work for the day, I had assigned the leadership book, “The Blueprint: 6 Practical Steps to Lift Your Leadership to New Heights” written by a beloved leadership mentor of mine, Doug Conant and Amy Federman.
Anchored in Doug’s philosophy that we are not leading two lives, a work life and personal, the day focused on the integrated life of the whole person. I believe the heavily remote work environment of 2020 has only underscored this paradigm.
Doug sums it up nicely here:
Anchoring in core values and people who inspire you
Along with the pre-read, we prepared a binder with some reflection questions, some of which were lifted from the book. It included things like discerning three core values central to your unique leadership style, reflecting on people who have inspired you in your personal and professional life, and articulating goals for yourself in the coming year.
We weaved this pre-work into the day using word cloud technology powered by Slido. When it came to those who have “inspired you,” I was moved when I saw the largest word that held the center was “Mother.” “Father, grandparents, husband, wife, partner, sister, and brother” also made the list. We talked about those roles as a team and how equally important they were in how we each show up as a leader in our daily lives. It was a good reminder for us all.
Don’t be afraid to make it personal
Embracing the truth that this work is deeply personal, for my holiday gifts this year, I asked that each person share his or her top leadership value with me and preference of metal (i.e., gold, silver, rose gold). I partnered with another working-mom friend’s company to have each teammate’s word engraved on a bracelet or “dog tag” necklace, accompanied by a handwritten note specifically thanking them for his or her contributions over the past year. Etsy also has some great options.
The words that came in were powerful and with not one duplicate, “Resilience, Wisdom, Vision, Trust, Compassion, Integrity, Grit, Execution, Gratitude, Supportive, Service, Courage, Kindness, and Purpose.” Talk about tapping into the higher angels of our nature showing up at work!
Keeping it “real”
In the month I was brainstorming the “offsite,” I also happened to binge watched “The Queen’s Gambit” on Netflix. If you can move past the addiction and substance abuse (which she ultimately overcomes), it is an inspiring story. I decided to lift several short clips as teaching moments to drive home some of the content we were focused on. Given chess is the ultimate strategy game, and healthcare management has long been referred to as “playing a game of three-dimensional chess,” the imagery was perfect.
With each, we set up the scene, underscored the transferrable lesson(s), and gave the team time to unpack the clip and apply it to our day-to-day work. As I sheepishly shared this idea with my boss, I was met with enthusiasm as he had just watched the series. I savored his commentary, “You think about movies the same way I do.” He even added a couple of his favorite clips to the list! My favorite addition was the closing clip when Beth exits the car and goes on to “do her own thing.” My 65+-year-old, male boss’s “key take-way” was that I needed to remind the leadership team (many of which are women) that they “don’t always have to listen to old men” and to have the courage to “play their own game.”
For those who have watched this series, a few notable clips included 1) when 9-year-old Beth gets her first book of chess openings from Sible (combining natural strengths + intentional practice), 2) when Benny points out a mistake in a match she ultimately won (learning from near-misses), 3) when Harry coaches her and points out her tendencies to be stubborn, get mad, and lose perspective (gaining self-awareness, normalizing a high-feedback culture, learning from other in all directions – up, down, sideways), 4) Benny wiping the floor with Beth in speed chess the night before their match (getting outside your comfort zone, learning from failure), and 5) Beth getting a call from her “posse” of friends on the morning of her final match on the World stage (gaining strength and wisdom from others, conquering those “clutches” that hold us back, driving ever-better performance).
I was exposed to this practice of referencing movie clips in a company-sponsored external leadership training at the Higher Ambition Leadership Institute (HALI) and have found it to be quite impactful. I also was looking for ways to combat the inevitable “Zoom Gloom” that can come from being on this medium for 8 hours a day. It also added an element of fun and not being “too serious,” despite some deep work.
Given we wouldn’t be together (even if some of us were sitting in separate offices near one another), we prepared a “goody bag” with some fun momentos to remember the event (e.g., a binder to guide their pre-work and full of reference documents, a hand-carved wooden chess piece to place near their workstation, a chess-theme keychain with the inscription “Move with Purpose,” a personal-sized bag of microwave popcorn, instant coffee, and teabags that we incorporated into breaks throughout the day).
I honestly think it mattered less what was included in the “goody bag,” but that one was prepared and sent. Again, each little detail underscored that this was to be a very intentional day and built excitement and anticipation. We even created “Bingo” cards online anticipating some of the buzzwords of the day to add an element of humor and self-deprecation (e.g, “Leadership,” “Sarah chuckles,” “Peter comments,” “Mary says something inspiring”).
It’s not all on you as the leader…tapping into other’s insights, expertise, and experience
One of my favorite quotes of the day was when the author of “BluePrint,” Doug Conant, who had agreed to be one of our surprise guest speakers emphasized “This is NOT about Mary.” Repeating it twice, he drove home the message that leadership is truly about each of them, the people in their respective teams, the company’s higher ambition, and those who are impacted by our collective work – our patients, our medical students, and the advances in discovery lead by our researchers. COVID-19 and its impact across all three of those missions couldn’t have provided a more purpose-filled backdrop.
Utilizing the Zoom “Waiting Room” feature, it was entertaining to see the leadership team’s reaction to each surprise guest. With Doug, it was pure shock and awe given they had read his book(s) and heard so much about him over the years. His remarks were on point, inspiring, and practical. As a self-proclaimed introvert, Doug models a provocatively simple and profoundly character-driven example of leadership that deeply resonated with the team.
The morning started with another superstar surprise guest, our Dean & CEO. Dr. Grossman spoke about his vision for the future of our health system. He emphasized how much he relied on our team. He praised their collective efforts during this COVID period, supporting internal and external reporting, facilitating ever-evolving requirements set by all levels of government, and even project managing the mass casualty effort of the spring, and lining up hotel rooms for front-line workers. All this was done on top of our standard “must do” projects in the portfolio.
In sum, he underscored that our efforts mattered, that he was paying attention, that he deeply valued leadership, and shared an inspiring charge for the year to come. For a pretty tired group of individuals who have been “giving it their all” for months, it was the perfect antidote to rekindle our resilience.
My boss, Joe Lhota, joined in later in the day as we narrowed in our project portfolio and each leader articulated “what success would look like in the year to come” and what was needed to advance to meet and exceed our team goals. Approachable, and impressive as Chief of Staff and our Executive Vice Dean, Joe drove home many of the points we had covered that morning and echoed our CEO’s vision.
I asked a close colleague and leadership buddy, Dr. Mark Pochapin, who many in the team have worked with over the years to talk about real-life applications of his leadership style within the company. Earlier in the year, I had shared his recent interview with Katie Couric. It’s a must-watch tear-jerker.
Given the medium, we were also able to have another leadership mentor, Mette Norgaard, join us for a pre-recorded Q&A focused on how to tap into your leadership “posse” of those people who inspire you in critical moments.
About a month ahead of time, I additionally reached out to several of our “key customers” within the company, who also happen to be some of our most senior leaders. The request was simple, “Any words of encouragement or thoughts on the value of the team?” This simple prompt was met with so many wonderful statements of support that further heightened the impact we had in the larger context of our organization. These were sent out to the team in advance. To be honest, as they came in these genuine and inspiring words provided me too with a much needed lift about the importance of the work we are doing each day and why it all matters.
I cannot thank each of these leaders enough for the role they played in this “offsite.” It not only took some of the pressure off me throughout the day, but it added conviction and authority to everything we were discussing.
Your circle of leaders and friends will be different than mine, and I’m not suggesting that you ask anyone with which you don’t already have a deep personal relationship as that might not have the same effect. Had I “cold-called” people out-of-context, inevitably the response would have been quite different.
That being said, I encourage you to think about who you DO have a close enough relationship with that might be able to help you out in inspiring and motivating YOUR team. At one point, a member of the team inquired about how I had gotten everyone to agree to participate. Simply put, “I asked if they were willing to help”….and of course, thanked profusely! You might be surprised by who would be willing to help you out as your strive to develop your own leadership craft, especially if they deeply value leadership themselves.
Declare yourself and walk the walk
To close my “#2 partner in the team” and I brought it home with some closing remarks. Nothing we said was that profound, but it was honest and direct. We shared our expectations and our aspirations for the team, each individual, and ourselves. We got specific in the mundane of how we best take-in information, the rhythm of “a day in the life,” how the team should utilize us. We charged our leadership team to “hold us accountable” in walking the walk – with the overarching message that “we had their back and were there for them.”
This was particularly important this year as my senior leadership team of years’ past recently turned over. My #2 is preparing to head out for maternity leave. I wanted to “decode Mary’s brain” for those who didn’t know me as well, as I was increasingly working with former skip-level leaders. You cannot expect people to read your mind. You need to tell them with clarity and intention.
As a last minute addition, I inserted a concept hailing from Psychology 101, “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.” As healthcare providers, we often think about this pyramid in the context of health equity and levels of the pyramid that erode due to social determinants. I had shared it a few days earlier with a friend and she commented that it was incredibly helpful to her as she processed this past year and learned to better articulate her needs.
In 2020, many levels of each of our pyramids have been under siege. I spoke a little about a few of mine that have come into play. I chuckled as I shared how it took me awhile to realize that it was unrealistic to expect myself to hit on all those components of self-actualization if I didn’t take care of myself in meeting my own needs deeper down in the pyramid. I encouraged each of them to give it some thought, give themselves a break from perfectionistic expectations, and focus on doing the same in taking care of themselves during this difficult time.
In closing…
Time will tell the impact, or lack thereof, in hosting this virtual “offsite.” To be sure, the time spent that day could have been used for a myriad of other important work products and tasks. If I don’t continue to walk the walk and show-up each day like the leader I told them I aspire to be, it will be a total waste of time and erode trust. That’s not to say I won’t make oodles mistakes along the way.
Still as the team gears up for supporting the facilitation of COVID-19 Vaccine Distribution with the state and continues to work tirelessly to support our leadership as we creep into a second wave (or at least “bump” in cases) in NYC – I trust that any investment in anchoring the team in their values and their collective purpose will pay dividends.
Being willing as a leader to be unabashedly authentic, gives your employees permission to be their authentic selves in return and to show up in a real and meaningful way as leaders. We are in this together and will get through this! “Let’s play.”
While some of my leadership reflections are derived from my lived experience working at NYU Langone Health, the views presented on maryenquist.com are my own and are not intended to represent the views of the company.
