“Siblings: children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.”
– Sam Levenson
The greatest gift my parents gave me were three amazing friends that I’m lucky enough to call sister and brother. When we get together now as adults (especially the occasional meal without kids and without our parents), we roar with laughter, utterly enjoying one another’s company.
My brother’s dry witty humor is the absolute best. While John mastered the art of the “silent laugh” growing up, as to not get in trouble in class as he cracked up other classmates, Kristen and I, in contrast, would uncontrollably burst out with deep (and loud!) belly laughs, drawing much attention from bystanders. Kelly, the eldest, ever the mature one, just looks upon all of it with a smile behind her eyes and an expressive smirk.
Our parents served up a lot of content over the years, allowing for a robust and light-hearted roast, and of course, like in any sibling dynamics, we have some fun ones that come out when we are together!
In the end, our family had four children, three daughters and a son. Being the third daughter behind two very different and extremely capable older sisters was a challenge and formative to my journey in carving out my own identity.
Our oldest sister, Kelly, was “the brilliant one” and extremely artistic. My next sister, Kristen, was “the athletic one” and always well-dressed (which made for a steady stream of fantastic hand-me-downs). All three of us were serious musicians, hard workers, and good students. And all having long brown hair and being pretty close in age, people frequently mixed us up.
In my adolescent years, the ubiquitous phrase of “You Kingsbury girls are so…” or “You and your sisters are so…” touted by my father, teachers, and members of the community pushed me to blaze my own trail in search of a distinctive identity. While there was pride in the family for sure, I was hungry to be seen as my own person.
Almost like a Venn diagram, I experimented with trying to do most everything Kelly and Kristen did, and eventually found some hobbies that were uniquely me in 4-H, horse showing, and singing. Looking back on it now, I suppose it was simply attention-seeking behavior, but for the most part it presented itself in very positive ways, pushing me to be my best, discover my true passions, and see what I was capable of.
Shortly after having me, my parents entertained the idea of adopting a son vs. risking having another girl. ☺ Now that I’m a parent and a mother of both a daughter and a son, I get the desire of wanting to have at least “one of each,” but do think for years I personalized the feedback a bit. Ha! My mother adored babies and my father tried to remind her that they needed to feed all of us and, ideally, send us through college. They tried for the fourth and my incredible brother, John, was well worth the risk.
Apparently a few years later my mom brought up the idea of adopting another boy so John could have a playmate, but my father won out. In some ways, I’m glad for that as John and I became best friends growing up. Whether it was driving Barbie cars or tractors around our several-acre yard or building countless sandcastles with My Little Ponies guarding the moat, John and I entertained one another.
As my brother discovered his love of baseball, I remember learning to pitch so John could bat, learning to catch so John could pitch, and attempting to field pop flies until that one time I got a black eye. I adored our time together. The high school years we ran in the same crowd, dated each other’s friends, and supported each other through thick and thin. I know my two sisters would agree in saying that John is the best brother three sisters could ever have.
“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu
This quote by Desmond Tutu, whom Kelly and I got the opportunity to sing for in college, sums things up well. My siblings are a true gift to me and have formed and shaped the person I have become.
The inherent competition for attention drove me to find my true passions, and seeking recognition, to excel within them. Kelly and Kristen set a high bar and in doing so, pushed me to do my best.
Perhaps it’s because he was a boy (and also because of his easy-going nature), I never felt competition from John. He is and always has been a like-minded, true friend and a quiet, unwavering support in anything I’ve set out to do. If only I had mastered his “silent laugh,” I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble as often for cracking up in class when we were seated next to one another in grade school!
More to come in the next post on life in a two-room country school house…
Thanks for spending time getting to know me and my family,
Mary
What role have your siblings played in helping you carve out your own path? Any thoughts on the dynamics of birth order in shaping the person you’ve become?
