Dear Younger Me,

As I think about how I might help other leaders, particularly a cohort of rising female leaders, I think back to what you might have benefited from in those several chapters of life that followed graduation and saw you joining the workforce.  

You were full of motivation, good intentions, and naïveté.  You were smart, capable, and ready to “go above and beyond.” But like most of us as we jump into something new, your biggest challenge was that “you didn’t know what you didn’t know” and at times didn’t know where to turn to learn it. 

If I could somehow go back in time and give you a glimpse into what your future would hold professionally and personally–as an aspiring leader and as a wife and future mother–I would jump at that chance.   

The future I’d tell you of would give you hope and inspiration to continue to journey even when it gets hard.  I’d tell you emphatically not to quit.  While I couldn’t take the struggles away, I would want to be someone “in your corner,” cheering you on and stoking that fire in your belly to keep giving life your all.  Life’s lessons aren’t always kind and there would be a lot of struggle, self-doubt, and trial and error in the road ahead, concurrent with exhilarating opportunity. 

To the aspiring leader in your soul, I’d say that finding your leadership voice was so much more about leaning into the most authentic, best version of yourself than it was about trying to look older, trying to hide the fact you were young behind black suits and glasses, and eventually trying to hide the details of what you were keeping under wraps in being a working mom. 

I’d affirm that you should trust those natural instincts about what was right, even when it meant enduring the consequences of doing so.  I’d expose you to best-practice thinking, solid research, and like-minded leaders that would make you feel less “off the beaten path” in your natural leadership style.

As someone who cares deeply about you and believes in you, I’d tell you to prioritize date nights with your partner/spouse, and how they are even more important after years together.  And while you might look around and not see another person (or couple) leading exactly the same version of life you were trying to pull off, that it didn’t mean it was wrong or that you and your partner were crazy to lean into your dreams and make them a reality. 

I’d try to help you silence recurring thoughts that cycled through your head during those early years to take a “mommy off-ramp” when you weren’t sure you could hang on much longer at this pace, those thoughts that sometimes crept in even before you were expecting, in anticipation of that family you might have one day.  When the family did come, I’d tell you how much your kids would adore you even though you worked a TON during their infancy, toddler years, and beyond!  

My sense is that you’d be really curious about the “how” and would want not just a one-time conversation, but might crave an ongoing dialogue, resources, and community.  I vividly remember how lonely it felt at different points.  How you cognitively knew there were others like you out there, but would look around and feel like you were the only one.  How incredible it would feel when every once in a while you met someone who could relate and was breathing the same air you were breathing.

Some of the most helpful relationships I’ve learned from have been with leaders who are a few generations ahead of me and further along in their careers and family life.  I’ve also found tremendous value in comparing notes and swapping tips and tricks with peers in a similar place.  And of course, I jump at the chance to give back and help demystify and break down any barriers for the next generation(s).

This is the inspiration for MaryEnquist.com.  My intention is to serve and bring together leaders from all walks of life and at various points in their respective journeys to help each other grow.  I hope the contents you find herein are helpful, inspiring, and worth the time you invest on the site.  

Warmly,

Mary Enquist

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